Have you ever found yourself in a situation where you're screaming internally, "Not this!"? You're not alone. Inspired by Elizabeth Gilbert's empowering post, this episode delves into Nicki's process of courageously saying ,'Not this,' and stepping away from situations that no longer served her and opting for a path of uncertainty over a life of discontent.
Tune in and unleash the courage within you to say, "Not this."
Other ways we can help you:
Have you ever found yourself in a situation where you're screaming internally, "Not this!"? You're not alone. Inspired by Elizabeth Gilbert's empowering post, this episode delves into Nicki's process of courageously saying ,'Not this,' and stepping away from situations that no longer served her and opting for a path of uncertainty over a life of discontent.
Tune in and unleash the courage within you to say, "Not this."
Other ways we can help you:
This bonus episode is inspired from a random creative burst I had this morning. I'm in my do phase, the kids are having their screen time and I've had an extra day of work this week and I feel caught up for the first time, and I can't remember how long, and suddenly, like a miracle, I can feel my creative spark and nudging me from just outside the corner of my eye. I'm not sure where the spark went or why, or even when, but this morning I can feel it humming again and I'm so pleased. It's really an integral part of who I am, and it wasn't until this morning, when I felt it's hum again, that I even realised that it had been missing. So here we are. I'm hoping this is the return of my creative side.
Speaker 2:Welcome to Raising Wildlings, a podcast about parenting, alternative education and stepping into the wilderness However that looks with your family.
Speaker 1:Each week, we'll be interviewing experts that truly inspire us to answer your parenting and education questions. We'll also be sharing stories from some incredible families that took the leap and are taking the road less travelled.
Speaker 2:Wear your hosts, vicki and Nikki from Wildlings Forest School, popping your headphones, settle in and join us on this next adventure.
Speaker 1:Today's spark was inspired by our post by the insanely creative Elizabeth Gilbert, the author of Eat, pray, love and Big Magic. If you don't follow her, she's just a wonderful positive force in the world and particularly if you're going through grief, she is just magic with the ways of words around grief. So I'm going to read her post to you first. Not this, dear ones. Most of us, at some point in our lives, unless we've done everything perfectly which is nobody we'll have to face a terrible moment in which we realise that we have somehow ended up in the wrong place, or at least in a very bad place. Maybe we will have to admit that we're in the wrong job or the wrong relationship, with the wrong people around us, living in the wrong neighbourhood, acting out the wrong behaviours, using the wrong substances, pretending to believe things that we no longer believe, pretending to be something we were never meant to be. This moment of realisation is seldom fun. In fact, it's usually terrifying. I call this moment of realisation not this, because sometimes that's all you know. At such a moment, all you know is not this. Sometimes that's all you can know. All you know is that some deep life force within you is saying not this and it won't be silenced. Your body is saying not this, your heart is saying not this, your soul is saying not this, but your brain can't bring itself to say not this because that would cause a serious problem. The problem is you don't have a plan B in place. This is the only life you have. This is the only job you have. This is the only spouse you have. This is the only house you have. Your brain says it may not be great, but we have to put up with it because there are no other options. You're not sure how you got here to this place of this, but you sure as hell don't know how to get out. So your brain says we need to keep putting up with this because this is all we have. But still, beating like a quiet drum, your body and your heart and your soul keep saying not this, not this, not this, not this.
Speaker 1:I think some of the bravest people I have ever met were people who had the courage to say the words not this out loud, even before they had an alternative plan. People who walked out of bad situations without knowing if there was a better situation on the horizon. People who looked at the life they were in and they said I don't know what my life is supposed to be, but it's not this. And then they just left. I think of my friend who walked out of a marriage after less than a year and had to move back in with her mother, back into her childhood bedroom, and face the condemnation of the entire community while she slowly created a new life for herself. Everyone said if he's not good enough for you, who will be? She didn't know. She didn't know anything about what her life would look like now, but it started with her saying not this. I think of my friend who took her three young children away from a toxic marriage, despite the fact that her husband supported her and the kids financially, and the four of them, this woman and her three children, all slept in one bed together in a tiny studio apartment for a few years while she struggled to build a new life. She was poor, she was scared, she was alone, but she had to listen to the voices within her that said not this.
Speaker 1:I think of friends who walked out of jobs with no job waiting for them because they said not this. I think of friends who quit school rather than keep pretending that they cared about this field of study anymore. And, yes, they lost the scholarship. And, yes, they ended up working at a fast food restaurant while everyone else was getting degrees. And, yes, it took them a while to figure out where to go next, but there was a relief at last in just surrendering to the holy, non-negotiable truth of not this.
Speaker 1:I think of friends who bravely walked into AA meetings and just fell apart in front of a room full of strangers and said not this. I think of a friend who pulled her children out of Sunday school in the middle of church one Sunday, because she'd had it with the judgment and self-righteousness of this particular church. Yes, it was her community, yes, it was her tribe, but she physically couldn't be in that building anymore without feeling that she would explode. She didn't know where she was going, spiritually or within her community, but she said not this and walked out Rationally. It's crazy to abandon a perfectly good life, or at least a familiar life, in order to jump into a mystery. No sane person would advise you to make such a leaf with no plan B in place. We're supposed to be careful, we're supposed to be prudent and yet, and yet, if you keep ignoring the voices within you that say not this just because you don't know what to do. Instead, you may end up stuck in not this forever. You don't need to know where you are going to admit that where you are standing right now is wrong. The bravest thing to say can be these two words what comes next? I don't know, you don't know, nobody knows. It might be worse, it might be better, but whatever it is, it's not this. それでは logging on to Our Path in Excellent words. My name is Now. I went to just re-share that post, but then I thought I'd better add a little sentence or two to personalise it and explain why I posted it. And suddenly I had my own long post, which I'm going to read to you now.
Speaker 1:I remember standing in a classroom relief teaching whilst on maternity leave after having my second child and wondering what the hell I was going to do when my maternity leave ended and I was meant to go back teaching full time. I had no ideas, none. All I did know was not this Not dropping my children off to daycare so that someone else could look after my children while I looked after theirs or someone else's. That made no sense to me. Not rushing out the door every morning. I'm not a morning person and that rush set my nervous system on high alert for the rest of the day. Not paying exorbitant amounts and daycare fees so much so that it was barely worth the time, and definitely not the stress, to actually go to work five days a week. Not teaching to teens whose eyes glazed over at the mention of Shakespeare, not policing them for wearing the wrong bloody socks, not being able to hug them during hard times. Not data, data, data, data at the sacrifice of the human and the story behind it. Not keeping them indoors motionless on their seats on glorious spring days. Not this, not this, not this. That is the first and only decision I made, not this.
Speaker 1:From there, I started a journal of ideas. I was an English and PE teacher at the time, so I thought I should capitalise on those skills and find something that also suited being at home with my children. At first I thought I was going to write my own blogs, but I found I could only write in bursts of late night inspiration. I didn't have the consistency to produce something every week and I didn't want to force that kind of creativity. Then I thought I'd be a copywriter, but the thought of having to write website copy for a plumbing company gave me the full body ex. I knew I either wouldn't follow through or I'd become bitter and jaded rather than creative. I started a children's book, truly. You'll see it in the post. I'll share later the pictures of it.
Speaker 1:I'm not sure why I didn't follow that through, but I didn't, and I trusted at the time that it wasn't. For me, tutoring was a given. I'd done it successfully before. But again I knew I didn't want to work with children that didn't want to be there. I didn't like forcing, coercing, cajoling or gaslighting children whose parents made them attend. I knew in my heart that children could be trusted to make their own decisions about their lives. I knew they could succeed out of the school system if we let them pursue their interests. I just didn't know what that could look like outside of the only thing I knew, which was the school system.
Speaker 1:And then, serendipitously, I met Vicky at a playgroup and I thought, shit, I could do this. I could work with children outdoors in a way that I could also bring my children. And then after a few months we both wondered if we could ever actually make any, even a little bit of money from an idea that has always run off the backs of women's free labour, and you know what Turns out. You can, and not just that it turns out. I can work outdoors all year, not just in the spring, and at times that suit my family. I can also work indoors from home in ways that suit my family. I no longer have to coerce children to do anything.
Speaker 1:Everything we run at Wildlings sees children being the maker, the centre and the creator of their own choices. This has been the greatest gift of all to me as a teacher, a guide and mentor to be able to teach in alignment with my beliefs and values, to be able to trust that children know who they are and what they like, and then to reap the reward of seeing them soar when they're given the freedom to do so. All of this came from those two simple but powerful words, not this. Now people ask us how we do what we do, and it's now adults who are my favourite people to guide and mentor, because I know that the more adults we have trusting children and allowing children to soar, the better our world will be, and in a full circle. When I look at the aims I had for my original blog idea. I'm actually doing all of those things. I'm still educating, but in ways that feel good and true to my body. I'm exploring ideas of motherhood and being a woman in this world. I'm being creative, I've created the most wonderful community around me and my family. I'm making positive change in the world. I'm even making money from this to help provide for my family while working from home, and I'm mothering in a way that is honest, gentle on my children and the planet.
Speaker 1:All from saying not this. So I wanna ask you today, what is your heart and soul screaming? Not this. About that, your brain is hushing. I want you to write it down. I want you to say it out loud to yourself. Whisper it at first if you need to, and then say it louder, yell it if you can. Let yourself Feel it move through your body. So your brain has to believe it and then tell somebody. Acknowledging that you want something else is the first step, and if you'd like help with the second step and that is working out what it is, if it's not this, then you're welcome to download our free Find your Purpose Treasure Map. It's quick and it's easy, and maybe, just maybe, it might be the next step for you once you've decided not this. You can find it in the showed notes or I'll link it in our Instagram. Please listen to that voice that is saying, not this